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Vacation

I'm going on vacation next week, so don't expect to see anything here, not that I have anything to write anyway...

Roderigo's Plan, An Othello Parody

//The following is an Othello parody I wrote for English my senior year. I finally found all 3 acts and epilogue of it, so here it is in completed form. If you haven't read Othello I strongly suggest it, but the basic gist of it is that Iago is the rival of Othello, the Moor of Venice, and is jealous of Othello's quick rise in influence and power. Using the full faculties of his genius, and confiding his inane sidekick Roderigo, he plots to bring down Othello. Roderigo's Plan outlines the original attempt of the dastardly duo to take down the Moor using the plan of the idiotic Roderigo. As an English class we were to write in characters from other stories, and as a strong believer in the strength of a fool, I made Roderigo the main character. So here it is: Roderigo's Plan.

Roderigo's Plan

Act 1 - Venice. A street. Roderigo and Iago.

Roderigo: Hey there signior Iago. What are ya thinkin' about?

Iago: Silence Fool! I'm trying to devise a plan to bring down my enemy the Moor. Othello by name who gave the position to a great arithmetician, on Michael Cassio, a Florentine, that never set a squandron in the...

Roderigo: Well, why don't you just...

Iago: Shut up! I need a plan so complex that it will defame
Cassio, destroy Othello, and even ruin his fair wife Desdem...

Roderigo: But you could just...

Iago: Quiet idiot! As I was saying, it must ruin his fair wife Desdemon...

Roderigo: Iago, Iago, Iago!

Iago: What! Just tell me what it is you want to say.

Roderigo: Why don't I just call some of my friends and they could kill the Moor.

Iago: Actually 'tis not such a bad idea. A simple plan from my friend Roderigo may be the perfect way to crush Othello's ego! Mwahahahahahah.

Roderigo: Tee-hee-hee

Iago: Roderigo's friends will deliver a hit that will knock Othello into the deepest pit. Mwahahahahaha.

Roderigo: Tee-hee-hee

Roderigo: Wait! I've got one! My plan will easily kill this guy, 'twill be just like swatting a...a....um.....

Iago: FLY! (Shoves Roderigo and storms off the stage)

Act 2 - Venice. Iago's headquarters. Iago, Roderigo, Ethan Frome, Ophelia.

The Plot Thickens

Iago: Welcome to my humble heaquarters my guests. As you know, you were summoned to put Othello to the test. You objective is simple - make the Moor pay. Now Roderigo, introduce our guests if you may.

Roderigo: (Introducing Ethan Frome) This fellow here is Ethan Frome. A place called Starkfield be his home. A more disturbed fellow I neverhad met. He tried to kill himself and Mattie in a sledding accident.

Ethan: Leave Othello to me. I'll in the steamboat I built with my engineering training to sail to Cyprus. Othello will not be able to fetch from my attack!

Roderigo: (introducing Ophelia) Our next guest be a Danish dame. Who calls herself Ophelia by name.

Ophelia: (In a sing-song voice) They bore him barfaced on the bier. Hey non nonny, nonny, hey nonny. And in his grave raised many a tear.

Roderigo: (apologetically) I am sure she will get it together and destroy Othello.

Iago: Is this all you have brought back, an American and a maniac!

Roderigo: No, no, two others could not come today. A giant named Gulliver from far far away. And a notorious killer who must travel through time. Although untested, his time machine should prove prime. He definitely will arrive in Italy. But in what century may prove a mystery.

Iago: This man, who is he, and what has he done. Hurry up fool, I need Othello gone.

Roderigo: Well this man's Dick Prosser he killed most of a town. With these allies on our side, Othello will be brought... he will be brought... brought... ummm...

All but Roderigo: DOWN!!! (All laugh in evil voices, Roderigo looks ashamed but joins in with his tee-hee laugh)


Act 3. Scene 1. A street. Venice. Ophelia.

Does Ophelia Get it Together?

Ophelia: (Running in circles, acting crazy) You must sing "A-down a-down" and you call him a down a. How the wheel becomes it. It is the false steward that stole his master's daughter! Hey Flowers! (Runs to barrel filled with water and dunks head in) Drowning noises.


Act 3. Scene 2. A small farm. Floria. Ethan Frome, Janie.

Ethan Gets Lost Over His Horizons

(Ethan is lost, Janie stis far away beneath a pear tree)

Ethan: (To himself) It seems that my skill in engineering is not equal to my skill in navigation. Maybe I was just talking big. This can't be Cyprus, it was too far away...
(Catches sight of Janie)
Hey, what's that over there?

Janie: Who's dat man dat came over de horizon over der'? I feel like a thousand sister calyxes just opened up inside me!

Ethan: I feel the same warm feeling I used to feel around Mattie.

CUE: Love music.

(The two run together and fall into an embrace)

Act 3. Scene 3. Rome. The Forum. Characters: Julius Caesar, Dick Prosser outside.

What century did Dick Prosser end up in?

Julius Caesar: (Reads a longer speech from Julius Caesar) Start fading out about half way through it. Or if preferred read something in Latin, maybe the Aeneid?

Dick: Starts reading The Tyger by William Blake. Start quietly, but crescendo to end of poem. Make gun noises.

Julius: Et tu, somebody. (Caesar slowly falls over, in a very dramatic death)

Julius: (Qundam miseratum est morandi sum passum coepet) (Someone holds a sign up reading: Translation: I have been shot with an assault rifle and require medical attention.

Act 3. Scene 4. Venice. A pub. Iago, Roderigo, Cassio, Gulliver (action figure)

On The Evils of Peer Pressure

(Cassio and Roderigo sit at a table playing the game Othello, Iago enters)

Roderigo: Hey there, Iago, I bet you'd like this game we're playin'

Cassio: Yeah, it's pretty good, there's a lot of strategy in it.

Iago: What is ist called this game? From what does it get its name?

Roderigo: Oth...(realizing his mistake) Ummm maybe it would be best if you didn't know.

Iago: WHAT IS IT?

Roderigo: (meekly) othello.

Iago: (Visibly enraged) AAAGH! (Knocks game to ground and points to Roderigo). Come here! (Roderigo comes timidly toward him, to Roderigo, Cassio hears nothing) Look. You're plan seems to have failed. But upon a new idea I have sailed. Now I'm going to make Othello feel that Desdemona broke her marriage deal, and had an affair with Cassio.

Roderigo: Just wait. I have not heard a word from the giant, Gulliver. He might be able to pull it off.

Iago: Get lost! I'm leaving to initiate my plan anyway. Leave me at once fool - DO NOT DELAY. (ROderigo leaves, downtrodden. Iago sits with Cassio)

Cassio: Welcome Iago. We must to the watch.

Iago: Not yet Cassio, tis' not ten o'clock. Congratulations on your promotion-it gave me a shock.

Cassio: Why thank you good friend.

Iago: Why not have a toast and a drink: To Michael Cassio - let the cannikin clink!

Cassio: Not tonight, good Iago. I have very poor and unhappy brains for drinking. I could well wish courtesy would invent some other custom of entertainment.

Iago: ASIDE- To peer pressure I must get him to yield. To make a slander to shatter Othello's shield. TO CASSIO- Come on friend, one drink won't hurt.

Cassio: No, I really shouldn't.

Iago: Look everybody's doing it. You don't wnat to feel left out do you?

Cassio: Ok, Ok, one drink. (Drinks - becomes drunk)

Iago: Desdemona's a fine lady isn't she.

Cassio: (Slurred and drunk) Indeed she's a most fresh and delicate creature.

Iago: And when she speaks, is it not an alarum to love?

Cassio: She ish indeed perfection.

Iago: You should pay complements to Othello for his lovely wife when you see him next.

Cassio: I shertainly will.

Iago: Come now Cassio. Let me walk thee to your room.

(Cassio and Iago walk out. Cassio stumbles on Gulliver)

Cassio: I think I shtepped on a rat or shomething.

(Cassio exits I ago)
(Roderigo runs in , sees Gulliver, picks him up)

Roderigo: I think this is our Gulliver, Iago.

Iago: Did you not say this man was a giant. This is not bigger than the size of an ant. This man is merely Lilliputian. His size is only minutian.

Roderigo: Sorry sir. I think I made a mistake.

Iago: Roderigo you are an idiotic dolt. See you later, I have to bolt.

(Iago exits)

Roderigo: My plan failed- what did I expect. I guess my lack of intelligence I did forget. I wish I were a brighter fellow. Here ends my plan to eliminate Othello.

(All enter) Narrator reads Epilogue.

Epilogue

Narrator: And so the First Part of Othello is concluded.

Ethan and Janie were married for 10 years. After the initial passion of marriage wore off the two were forced to move to New England for Ethan???s employment, and the two experienced a drudgery more bleak than Ethan???s life in Starkfield. Janie left Ethan and ran off with a man named Josef Starker, and then left him to run off with a mysterious youth known only by the moniker Coffee Brownie.

Dick Prosser was arrested by the Empirial Guard but then later freed by the conspirators led by Brutus. Working his way up the Roman Army, he eventually became the Centurion of a Legion under Augustus.

Gulliver, having died before he was born, never was able to publish the record of his travels. As a result Jonathan Swift never became famous, and high school students of all Western Nations rejoice annually.

Cassio, after losing his reputation as a result of Iago???s scheme, became an influential spokesperson against the problem of peer pressure and alcoholism, and gave several speeches to local organizations and schools.

Iago went on with his more complicated plan to ruin Othello. When it did not work perfectly, he blamed Roderigo for his mistakes.

Although history records that Roderigo was killed by Cassio, he was actually swept through a time eddy from the time machine used by Dick Prosser. He ended up in Medieval England where he received an education. He published his story which was stolen and rewritten by William Shakespeare.

-The End-

Random Game I Like #25: Chaos Overlords

Chaos Overlords is a turn based strategy game, in which you and 5 other gangs vie for control of a city. This is done using a completely statistical system representing different gangs' levels of combat, stealth, and influence. It's a fun game and worth your time.

In other news, working nights is killer for one's social life it seems. Anyway, I'll probably be done doing nights after this week ends.

The Store

I'm opening a store for all your Matt's Cool and Interesting Blog of the New Millenium's merchandise needs! The link is here. I'll add some stuff as I have time.

The Switch

I start working nights tomorrow (well, more of tonight) at Office Max, and I'm in the process of switching sleeping during the night, and sleeping during the day. So, I'm staying up all night tonight and going to sleep all day tomorrow. Unfortunately, I'm getting bored and tired. Maybe I'll watch my Space Ghost DVD.

They Might Be Giants Concert

Our story begins a month ago, when Nate Hogan routinely checked his Email. Ecstatically, he called me with this exciting news: They Might Be Giants were having a free performance at the Baltimore Harbor Science Center on M??y 29.


"Woo-hoo! We just got Grammies!"


As the day approached, however, Nate and I became worried.



You see, Nate had to work the Saturday of the concert. Nate might be able to finish early-but in the dog eat dog ice delivery business, the motto is this: No matter the weather, no matter the pain, we must deliver the ice, that is our game.

"Nate still uses a sled like this to deliver ice"

Fortunately, Nate got out of work early and so, at 3:00 PM, we left for the concert.

We headed on the highway for Timonium to catch a train to the inner-harbor to avoid the horrid harbor traffic.

Timonium was an old particle physics city known for it's discovery of element 255 which it was named for. Now Timonium is but a shell of it's magnificent past.

Some people say that on nights with a waxing moon, when the mist hangs heavy in the air you can hear the ghost of Tim "Atom-Smasher" Willens moan out: Phyyysiicsss iss alll arouuuuund youu--noww youuu knowww.


"A rare painting of the enigmatic Willens"/>

The train ride to the harbor was agonizingly slow, and we arrived in Baltimore not a moment too soon. Unfortunately our troubles were not yet over.

The train had dropped us off at Camden Yards, and much to our dismay, we were unsure of how to reach the Science Center.



Seemingly to our rescue, Nate's brother, A J, suggested that we travel down the road past Camden Yards. After passing about 500 lacrosse players we asked a friendly looking police officer which way to go to get to the harbor. He pointed to our backs down the very road we had came and told us that it was about 7 or 8 blocks that w??y. It was now 6:00 and the concert was scheduled to begin at 6:15. We made haste toward the science center.


We got to the concert in time to push us into a position 20 feet from the stage and fail to catch a free T-shirt thrown by an overly enthusiastic Clear-Channel D.J.


"The Stage"

Soon They Might Be Giants appeared and opened up with the catchy New York City followed by the tremendously popular Birdhouse In Your Soul. Next they moved on to some newer songs including some to be released on their upcoming album Spine, while mixing in some older favorites including Istanbul, The Sun, The Guitar, Older, and Particle Man. They finished up with my favorite, Dr. Worm. Then for an encore they played three more of my favorites, She's An Angel, John Lee Supertaster, and finally the awesome Fingertips, which was incredible to see performed in concert.


"They Might Be Giants"

After the show finished, I quickly ran over to buy a T-Shirt. We then headed to Espn zone to encounter an indefinite wait for a table. Fortunately, indefinite turned out to be about an hour and fifteen minutes. A long wait, but for free refills on Pepsi, it was worth it.


"Not my Tshirt, but still, very nice"

Tired but happy, we made our way home.


"This kitten is also tired but happy"

Random Game I Like #24: Progress Quest

This is simply the best RPG I've ever played. Download it here.

Why I Don't Eat Bugs

Today in the The Reading Eagle, my local newspaper, there was an article about the 17 year cicadas. Along with this article there was a recipe for cicada pizza. Now these cicadas are outside my house and it sounds like a spaceship is hovering because of their noise. If I chose to eat them I'd have enough food for the rest of my life. Now here in Berks' County we have a good number of Christian fundamentalists, and well, although you didn't really ever get a glimpse of this, I'm one of them. After I saw the article, as I'm sure my fellow fundamentalists here did, I was boiling with rage (not peer pressure this time).

Does no one recall passage from Judges, in which the Lord says to his people, "and thou shalt not eat the bugs of the sky, which come in cycles. For these are not your food. For, verily, you are what you eat, and I swear if any of you folks take the image I gave you, the image of myself, and mutate into a huge cicada monster, I'll make that flood look like someone spilled water. That's right, I'll boil your oceans, and create strong winds to blow the steam at you so that you are nice and tasty, then put the lot of you on a pizza, and eat. So sayeth the Lord."

So don't eat any cicadas, because If God eats me, I'm going to be very, very, upset.

To FOX

UPDATE: It appears my plea was answered: Arrested Development has been renewed for 24 more episodes!


Below is my previous entry, now made unnecessary:

I know I've said this before but this is addressed specifically to FOX.

PLEASE DON'T CANCEL ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT

Really, don't do it.

For any of you that don't know what's going through FOX's collective mind: read This article.