Why I Don't Eat Bugs 

Why I Don't Eat Bugs

Today in the The Reading Eagle, my local newspaper, there was an article about the 17 year cicadas. Along with this article there was a recipe for cicada pizza. Now these cicadas are outside my house and it sounds like a spaceship is hovering because of their noise. If I chose to eat them I'd have enough food for the rest of my life. Now here in Berks' County we have a good number of Christian fundamentalists, and well, although you didn't really ever get a glimpse of this, I'm one of them. After I saw the article, as I'm sure my fellow fundamentalists here did, I was boiling with rage (not peer pressure this time).

Does no one recall passage from Judges, in which the Lord says to his people, "and thou shalt not eat the bugs of the sky, which come in cycles. For these are not your food. For, verily, you are what you eat, and I swear if any of you folks take the image I gave you, the image of myself, and mutate into a huge cicada monster, I'll make that flood look like someone spilled water. That's right, I'll boil your oceans, and create strong winds to blow the steam at you so that you are nice and tasty, then put the lot of you on a pizza, and eat. So sayeth the Lord."

So don't eat any cicadas, because If God eats me, I'm going to be very, very, upset.