Matt's Cool and Interesting Blog of The New Millennium 

Book Review: The Illuminatus! Trilogy

I really like this novel, especially because the sole reason I first considered buying it was its use of and exclamation point in the title. The basic premises of the books are these: 1) Every conspiracy theory is true. 2) They all are run by a secret society called the Illumanati. This is a humorous book, it is sometimes satirical, sometimes just silly, and sometimes nearly incomprehensible. Part of the fun is trying to figure out what is being said. It reads in a style imitative of Joyce's stream of consciousness. In fact I'm going to quote the review of The Illuminatus! Trilogy written by Wildeblood, a character in the novel who reviews books for a magazine: "I really tear those two smart-asses apart...Listen to this: 'a pair of nursery Nietzsches dreaming of a psychedelic Superman' And this: 'a plot that is only a put-on, characters who are cardboard, and a pretense of scholarship that amounts to sheer bluff.' But this is the crusher; listen: 'a constant use of obscene language for shock effect until the reader begins to feel as depressed as an unwilling spectator at a quarrel between a fishwife and a lobster-pot pirate.' I told you yesterday, it's absurdly long. Three volumes, in fact. Boring as hell. I only had time to skim it. But listen to this, dear boy: 'If The Lord of the Rings is a fairy tale for adults, sophisticated readers will quickly recognize this monumental miscarriage as a fairy tale for paranoids.'" Needless to say, the book deserves more credet than Wildeblood gives. Definitely read this if you have any interest in conspiracy theories, complicated plots, or just want a mega-big book to read. I'll rank it 8 Atlantises out of 10. Fnord!

Pittsburgh weather

The weather in Pittsburgh seems very variable, very extreme. For example, the last two mornings (and days) were terrible. Both times I was awakened to thunderstorms. Today, however, is a beautiful day. Clear, blue skies, no humidity, and a nice, fresh breeze. Somehow, this has gotten me into a weird philosophical mood. Pretty strange...

Happy Birthday

This is a shout out to my excellent friend Kayla. It's Kayla's birthday today, so show some love, and post a comment wishing her a Happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday Kayla!

Movie Review: Snatch

Snatch, directed by Guy Ritchie and starring Brad Pitt, Dennis Farina, Jason Statham, Jason Flemyng, Benicio del Toro, contains some of the best cinematography I have seen in a while. Camera angles accentuate the moods and emotions deftly portrayed by the actors. The characterizations of the unique criminals, Pikeys, and bookies are nearly flawless, as the actors seem to really enjoy their roles.

It is difficult to attribute Snatch to a genre. It fits roles of action, drama, comedy, and thriller simultaneously. Various subplots interact with each other, weaving together to create a rich tapestry of plot as the point of view of the story passes through each different character who wants to get hold of the diamond.

Snatch definitely deserves your attention, 8 Desert Eagle .50s out of 10!

( By the way, I want to be named Matt of the Bull, like Benincio del Toro)

Classes start today

Classes begin today at CMU. Darn it, I guess the party does have to end. Oh well, I just hope it won't be too hard, and all will go well. Wow, this sounds really passive. I'll try to be more excited. WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Classes start today!!! Matt's cool and Interesting Blog of the New Millenium Rules! Yah!

Donner Domination

These are the lyrics used for Donner House in the 2002 talent show;


Till the roof caves in
Till the lights go out
If our muscle burns
We will scream and shout

When the fortress falls
When the king is dead
We will will walk these halls
In a zombies head

Donner domination
Gonna rock the house
We will rule the nation
Till our strength gives out

If the thunder calls
And our blood still burns
We will walk these halls
Donner has returned

At last

Knock Knock Jokes

Since I forgot how knock knock jokes work, here are a bunch of Matt Fister originals to enjoy (or not).

Knock Knock--Who's There--Cantalope--Cantalope Who?--I can't elope, my parents took my car.

Knock Knock--Who's There--Atch--Atch Who?--God bless you.

Knock Knock--Who's There--Git--Git Who?--Get down, you are under arrest.

Movie Review: Super Troopers

Super troopers was an unusual movie for me. I doubted its quality from the beginning, because I felt that the average viewer and target audience would be a bunch of stoners commenting-- I bet the police are actually like that, dude. This was confirmed to me repeatedly throughout the movie. I did, however, enjoy the film. The raw, slapstick comedy, definitely overpowered the sketchy plot, and actually made the thing somewhat enjoyable. I liked Daniel von Bargen's (Krueger from Seinfeld, Francis' military school captain from Malcom in the Middle) performance and am glad to see him getting work. Overall rating though is average. 5 cops out of 10.

Game Review: The Incredible Machine

The Incredible Machine, an older game by Sierra. Puts the player in a unique position. It allows you to design complicated machines to solve various puzzles. Here's an example--Get ball in basket. Okay so I connect the match on a string to the balloon to light the torch, which activates that generator, then I connect the generator to the conveyor belt under the ball which should send it in the direction of the basket. Yes! It worked! The puzzles begin simple, but quickly became mind-numbingly complex. I rate it 10 machines out of 10. Excellent!

Donner is Ready

Donner 1 West is ready for the CMU Talent Show. We will be performing "It's My House". Here are some lyrics.

It's My House
and it's now or never
Donner's gonna live forever
and were never going to die
(in my house)

We'll see how it goes tomorrow for auditions, and then Sunday in the show.