Matt's Cool and Interesting Blog of The New Millennium 

New movie review system.

To create a more objective moview review system, and be able to review "Fight Club" which is a very vexing movie for several reasons, I'm creating a new system with which to review movies. This is that system. Matt Fister's Interesting and Slightly More Objective Movie Review System. (MFIaSMOMRS)

First of all, all films will be graded along four different axes: Content, execution, economy, and impression.

Content will be worth a total of 40 points. Content will consist of:
1) Plot 10 points. Does the movie have a decent plot. Does it keep my interest.
2) Theme 10 points. Does the movie have some sort of theme/ statement about human kind/ a justification for its existence. This can be worth negative points. A bad plum can ruin the pie.
3) Characterization 10 points. Are the characters exciting, do they make sense (or intentionally not make sense as the case may be), are they memorable and not stock characters (except in the case in which they are supposed to be stock characters).
4) Style 10 points. Does the movie contain a unique, worthwhile style. Is it good?

Execution 40 points. The axis of execution tells how well done a movie was.
1) Cinematography/Special Effects 10 points. Does the movie use effective cinematography and/or special effects.
2) Acting 10 points. Do the actors portray their characters well.
3) Emotion 10 points. Does the movie make me feel like it's supposed to make me feel? Comedies' should make me laugh, suspense should make me tense, horror should freak the heck out of me, drama should make interested and maybe sad or something, tragedy should really make me sad, action should make me excited. Etc.
4) Music 10 points. Does the musical score highlight the plot of the movie. Is it good?

Economy 10 points. Does the movie take to long. Economically good movies will leave me wanting more, yet primarily satisfied. Bad movies will make me wish it was over.

Impression plus or minus 10 points. This is where I can put some spin on the score. Didn't like it for a reason I can't describe. Loved the complicated twist. Here's where it can be shown.

Movies will be scored out of a total of 100 points. 50 is average! 100 is perfect. 0 actually hurts me internally or externally, and not in a good way.

I think this is a pretty good guide to judging movies. Try it out yourself sometime. If you want.

My Battlecry...

I just found out that the battlecry for Matt F is:

Yea, verily: Who is that, stalking out of the freeway! It is MattF, hands clutching a reflective halberd! And with an ominous bellow, his voice cometh:

"I'm going to reduce you to ash, and sell you as spice!!"

Check out http://bdmonkeys.net/~chaz/battle.php?. It rocks

Movie Review: "Boondock Saints"

"Boondock Saints", starring Willem Dafoe, Sean Patrick Flanery, Norman Reedus, David Della Rocco, and Billy Connolly, is one of the ballsiest movies I've ever seen. The action scenes rock, if you don't mind some blood splattering, and the characters come off as really cool. The plot, however, is somewhat lacking.

Two Irish brothers decide to take revenge on the Russian mafia after he mob tries to attack their favorite local pub. This soon extends to killing all mobsters and bad people. Interesting cinematography reveals this plot by showing it reconstructed through the eyes of Paul Smecker (William Dafoe).

Check this out if you don't mind a bit of the old gore and some of the foulest language you could ever hope to hear.

My score: 6 F words out of 10.

And now--a word from Nate Hogan

Hail from the Golden Dome! Hey Everybody this is a proud supporter of Matt and his Blog, Nate Hogan. So last night I was doing my theology homework by reading a section of Genesis and I came across a passage which I felt compelled to share.

Genesis Chapter 9 Covenant with Noah (following the flood):
God blessed Noah and his sons and said to them "Be fertile and multiply and fill the earth. Dread fear of you shall come upon all the animals of the earth and all the birds of the air, upon all the creatures that move about on the ground and all the fishes of the sea, into your power they are delivered. Every creature that is alive shall be yours to eat"

So the moral of the passage is that God judges vegetarians. He blessed man with the animals, so eat their meat. :-) Next time you're standing in your respective college dining facility or vendor, and you have the choice between a salad and a hunk of red meat, think to yourself.... what would Jesus do?


//Matt Fister and Matt's Cool and Interesting Blog of the New Millenium does not necessarily support the view of Nate Hogan. Although sometimes we do agree this is sheer coincidence. In fact, Matt Fister wholeheartedly supports all food choice activists including vegetarians, vegans, carinivores, and omnivores. If you disagree with the commentary of this article, please address your complaints in a comment to Nate Hogan, not Matt Fister or Matt's Cool and Interesting Blog of the New Millenium. Thank you.

Home Star Runner

http://www.homestarrunner.com still rocks and always did. You all probably know this, but if you don't, it is required viewing material for this site. Strongbad's new email (as of Monday, when he updates) is excellent. I'm not going to describe it here. Check it out immediately. Now. Go there. Sorry for the sucky update.

Email Address Request

Hello all,

I'm looking for he college email addresses for my friends so I can send a "how are you doing" email.

Specifically, the ones I need are Kayla (I have yours somewhere, but where?), Nate, Kenny (despite not having a computer he might be able to check his email), Amanda, Lisa, Meghan, Amy, Holly, and Tricia. Respond to this post or email me. mfister@andrew.cmu.edu

Thanks.

PS. AIM accounts are in demand too.

Movie Review: "A Mighty Wind"

I saw "A Mighty Wind" (no I can't see wind, it was a movie, stupid), and the only word to accurately describe it is delightful. It was great, a comedic powerhouse full of none stop laughter. The cast, Christopher Guest, Eugene Levy, Michael McKean, Harry Shearer, Bob Balaban and others, follow the tradition they created in Spinal Tap, Waiting for Guffman, and Best in Show, in which they create a satiric spoof documentary. In this case it is a glimpse into the world of folk music. Personally, I thought it was even more humorous than Best in Show, but what do my thoughts count for? Check it out yourself. I rate it 9 5-string banjos out of 10.

Why Caesar salads ought to have Caesar dressing?--a brief history

The restaurant, The Underground, here at CMU has one distinct problem. Their Chicken Caesar salad has Italian dressing. As any of the people who know me surely know, I am a Caesar salad aficionado. Caesar salad dressing belongs on Caesar salad, simply because of the name. Few know, however, why this came to be. Gather around while I tell the story of Julius Caesar and the Caesar Salad.

Julius Caesar came to power in 59 BC, ruling Rome with the invincible command of a dictator. During the feast of Lupercal in which Marc Antony offered Caesar a crown, a salad was served with a creamy dressing. Caesar decided that instead of accepting the crown, he would instead proclaim the delicious salad "Caesar Salad". Unfortunately, Brutus, known for his bad taste, did not enjoy the dressing, and actually preferred the common "Italian dressing". Brutus declared to the conspirators that ultimately assassinated Caesar,
"...and this man
Is now become a god; and Cassius is
wretched creature, and must bend his body,
If Caesar carelessly but nod on him
and do away with the people's dressing of Italy,
and prefer cream Caesar salad so verily",
as recalled by William Shakespeare in his history, Julius Caesar. And so the conspirators, all preferring Italian dressing killed Julius Caesar. However, as Augustus Caesar came to power in 43 BC, Caesar salad was reinstated as the Salad of Choice (SoC) for the Roman people. Caesar salad remained the SoC for the Romans, until 387 BC, when the Senons, a Gallic tribe, crossed the Appennines and approached the town. The Romans tried to stop them vainly; but, frightened by the their horned helmets, angry, "mean" faces, and savage beards, they were easily defeated. The Gauls entered the city and destroyed it. The Senons adopted the Caesar salad as their SoC, and soon it spread through the Germanic culture, eventually to Britain, then to the United States. It is replicated everywhere in the U.S. except CMUs Underground Restaurant, which seems to have revived the Conspirator's Salad created by Brutus.

Don't support the conspiracy, have your Caesar salad with Caesar dressing. Make true Caesar salad your SoC!

A new game of NOMIC has begun

A game of Nomic, the game of self amendment has begun. Anyone interested should email [link=mailto:mfister@andrew.cmu.edu]me[/link]. Anyone, really, I don't care if I don't know you. I suggest you read the rules first though (see above link), as the game definitely isn't for everyone. I'll post the winner when it is completed. If there is a winner, if it can be completed.

An analyzation of my chicken strips joke...

Look, people, I made my best joke a couple of blogs ago in Cultural Food Review: #1 Indian Food. I said "chicken (French cowardice) strips. No one commented, so I assumed it just wasn't funny.

Here's why I think that this joke is funny. First of all it stems from the freedom fries issue that came from French opposition to the war in Iraq. Secondly, a coward is often called a chicken. Therefore, if we rename chicken strips French Cowardice strips, the name is amusing, and makes the reader laugh. Please laugh. I need it.